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The hatemail that lead me to feel grateful.

Last night I got more hate mail from a family member.
It usually doesn’t affect me anymore but last night I was fuming.
It took everything in me not to respond and go off.
I deleted the message, as I do with every message I get from this particular family member.

Anyway, I went to bed super angry, but surprisingly, I ended up sleeping pretty well.
And today when I woke up I felt one thing, grateful.

Grateful to be out of such a toxic family.
Grateful that I never have to see them or deal with ever again.
Grateful to be away from my Mother’s sick fuck rapist boyfriend.
Grateful to be away from the manipulation and brainwashing.
Grateful to be away from my family’s narcissist behavior.

Grateful to not need my Mom’s love and approval anymore.
There was a time when all I wanted was to be loved by her.
Have her be proud of me.
But, I no longer seek her love because I’m grown to love myself.

Leaving my family nine years ago was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
I’m so glad I did it and I’m never going back.

I’ll look back sometimes, it’s impossible not too and I can’t just forget everything that happened—even though I wish I could.
But when I do look back, I’ll look back in gratefulness that I’m no longer there.
The people that hurt me are no longer in my life. 
The days of me being sexually abused and manipulated are long gone.
That shit is over, and it all seems like another lifetime ago.

Just so happy at how my life has turned around.
As I said, I’m just so freaking grateful.


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