adult years

Going Back Home

I’m going back to Orange Country this week.
I’ve been avoiding this place for years because I grew up there.

The last time I was there was 5 years ago.
It was after being gone a while and speaking up about being sexually abused.
I was in the thick of my healing journey.
The darkest most depressing part. 
And when I went back, I was overwhelmed by haunting memories of my teenage years.

I’d see my favorite ice cream shop and suddenly remember my Mom’s boyfriend trying to reach up my dress.
He bought me ice cream and thought I owed him a feel.
I was 12.
Wtf.

Almost every place and every street held a painful disturbing memory for me and I couldn’t get out of OC fast enough.

Years have passed now.
I’ve done a lot of therapy and I’ve addressed a lot of those haunting memories and they don’t have a hold on me like they used to.
I feel ready to go back now.
And, I’m actually looking forward to it.

I’m going to go to all my old spots.
Enjoy the misty mornings at the beach.
Do beach walks.
Back bay walks. 
Walk the Newport pier with an apple fritter freshly made from my favorite donut shop.
Layout on the beach and read the new book by my favorite author, Emily Giffin.
Get a big ass margarita from Cabo Cantina, maybe two.
Okay, probably 3.
Get breakfast at Charlies Chili.
Get pizza at Lavantinas.

I’m basically going to eat this whole trip.
Should be a fun week.
So excited!

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