adult years

Phases of healing.

About a month ago I bombarded with old memories that knocked me on my ass, literally.
I sat frozen on the floor for hours going over every detail of my childhood.

Since then I’ve been in a weird mood.
I haven’t wanted to write here on the blog.
I haven’t wanted to be seen nor heard.

Even though time has passed, I still have a hard accepting everything that happened.
The sexual abuse.
The fall out with my family because I spoke up.
The fact that my mother still lives with my abuser.
The fact that I’ll never see my sisters again.
“How is this my life?”
It all seems like a really bad Lifetime movie.
It’s a lot.

Although none of it is new, it all still gets to me sometimes.
Even though I’ve made progress, I sometimes feel like I’m right back at the beginning. Where it all feels new.

It’s like I go through phases.
Sometimes I feel unstoppable and other days I feel so broken.
Some days are great and some days just SUCK.
Somedays I feel like I can conquer the world and other days I just want to hide from it.
I guess this is all just part of the healing journey.

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