What made me cut my abuser out…

I cut my abuser (stepdad) out of my life ten years ago.
It was right before I married Rob.
Before Rob, I always told myself I would never say anything about what my stepdad did to me.
I would take it to the grave.

But once I met Rob and fell in love with him, I started feeling differently.
Especially when everything was being set up for my “stepdad” to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.
Just the thought of it gave me the most disturbing feeling.
I remember I was so stressed about it that I was covered in hives during the weeks leading up to our wedding.

I didn’t want him at my wedding period.
There was no way in hell I was going to let my abuser walk me down the aisle to the man I loved.
But above all, I didn’t want him in my life anymore.
I just didn’t know how to go about doing it.

I hadn’t come forward about how he sexually abused me as a child yet.
And I knew that cutting him out would anger my Mom and confuse the whole family. 
But I didn’t care.
I didn’t owe anyone in the family an explanation.
Okay, maybe my Mom but I wasn’t ready for that yet.

I needed to do what was right for me.
So I disinvited him to the wedding.
No one knew why,  but he knew why.

And when I did, I felt a huge sense of relief.
Even though my whole family situation had exploded.
With my sisters and Mom hating me.
None of them showed at my wedding.
It was sad but deep down I knew I had done the right thing.
It was the first time I had ever stood up for myself and I found a bit of strength in that.

And I didn’t know it at the time, but cutting my abuser out of my life allowed me to start healing. 
Because you can’t heal in the same environment in which you got sick.

*p.s. The bracelet is growing on me.
Read this to see what I mean...

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: