adult years

Becoming Emotionally Independent

At the beginning of my healing journey, I relied on Rob a lot for my happiness and healing.
I didn’t know I was doing it at the time, but looking back I can now see that I was.
I never asked or demanded anything from him.
Instead, I relied simply on his presence.
Because when he was around I felt happy.
And when he wasn’t, I didn’t.

I didn’t like being alone.
Trauma from my past would haunt me and I didn’t know how to handle it when he wasn’t around.
He was my safe place.

So much so that after a hard day at therapy I would count the hours until he got home to make me feel better.
When he traveled I would be miserable until he got back.
If I needed a new form of therapy, he’d be the one researching and booking appointments.

I’m sure this put a lot of pressure on him at times and this wasn’t my intent.
I just didn’t think I could take charge of my own healing and happiness.
And, he was always so willing to do it for me.

Then three years ago, I realized that my healing and my happiness is my responsibility, not Rob’s.
It was this that made me step up and take charge.

Once I took responsibility, took charge, that’s when I really started to heal and grow.
And, the way I took charge was through daily writing and seeking help on my own.
Doing more things on my own.
Making my own decisions.
Learning to trust myself and not turn to Rob for all the answers.

The less I allowed myself to depend on Rob, the more emotionally independent I became.

Now, I don’t rely on Rob for my happiness.
Does he add to it? Yes.
But, he’s not my only source of happiness nor should he be.
And I shouldn’t be his.

I also don’t get stressed when he’s away because I know I can handle my own.
I’ve even traveled outside of the country by myself three times.
This is something I never thought I’d do as I’ve always been too scared.
But now I love traveling by myself.
I don’t prefer it, but at least now I know I can do it and be okay.

Learning to take responsibility and becoming emotionally independent has been empowering.
I now know that I can feel happy and safe within myself.
It’s refreshing.


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