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I Love You, But I Will Keep Writing

“Stop writing,” you said.
“Go back to silly decorating videos instead.”

Let me make one thing clear.
This blog isn’t about you, any of you.
And if it’s troubling, just don’t read.
Would be my advice to you.

Because I will not shut up.
I will stand up.
I will keep writing.
Keep fighting.
I will not back down and be intimidated.
Even if it means being hated.

I don’t write to hurt you,
And I’m not out for revenge.

I know none of this can be easy to comprehend,
But I can no longer pretend,
As if this didn’t happen,
Or that my life wasn’t saddened.

I know you’re angry and scared.
You don’t want it to be true.
But I have nothing to gain,
So why lie to you,
And fake all this pain?

He couldn’t keep his hands off me.
How can none of you see,
That he’s the one playing” you,
It’s never been me.

You say I “abandoned” you,
I’m sorry that’s your point of view.
I told you I left because of him,
You told me to “fuck off,” and defended him.

Did you ever acknowledge the gifts I sent?

My efforts were ignored for years.
Your cold silence brought me tears.
You knew the pain I was handling.
It was you that did the abandoning.

And, you are full of hate,
Accusing me of “screaming rape.”
You did it years ago and I let it slide,
This time it will not be pushed aside.

Know that I love you sister,
I LOVE YOU.
But I choose to heal and be free,
And no longer let you,
Victim blame me.

 

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