adult years

Birthday Dinners



Woke up one year older today, 32.

My first thought was whether I’d hear from you.

I haven’t heard from you in years,

Sometimes it brings me to tears.


On a day like today,

I should be headed your way.

To have spaghetti and steak,

Followed by a strawberry filled yellow cake.


Birthday dinners were the one thing you did best.

It was the one day you put your anger to rest.


Kitchen table stacked with gifts.

Middle sister on the guitar like she’s Taylor Swift.

You always made birthdays into a big event.

Don’t think I didn’t notice all the time and effort you spent.

I love how you treated me in a special way,

Even if it was just for a day.


But as time passes into years.

It  becomes more and more clear.

That you and I will never spend,

Another birthday together again.


I was feeling kinda sad.

Over the realization I just had.


Then I saw my husband,

His name is Rob, in case you forgot.

You weren’t there when we tied the knot.

I saw Rob walking in the door- my favorite cake he just bought.

Hands full of pink flowers.

And I realized that I have the power.

To enjoy this birthday,

In a new kind of way.


So there will be no spaghetti and steak,

But there will be wine, pizza and marble cake.

New memories with Rob and Lucy.

The three of us- playing around, acting goofy.


I will celebrate.

But I just wanna get one thing straight.

You are toxic to me.

Its painful for me to see.

But  I will cherish the birthday memories I have of you,

As I continue to stay far, far away from you.


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