About Me Afterthoughts

The typical “About” page is usually light and fluffy.

But mine is far from it.

I am scared shitless right now after posting it.

Along with being disturbed, frustrated, angry and sad.

I have never shared something so honest and real in my life.

Even though what I wrote is nothing new to me.

It’s something I have lived with for more than two decades.

There is something about writing it and talking about it that makes it real.

After posting my story, I took a long shower and cried.

Something I would never allow myself to do before.

Because I didn’t want to be weak.

But crying did help.

As scary as it was, posting my story took a lifelong weight off my shoulders.

It’s all written.

I wrote it. And now you can read it.

And see me for who I really am.

And that’s scary.

But, I can no longer live in denial of it.

While I was sitting in the shower, I kept thinking to myself-

Why didn’t I tell a friend or my neighbor?

Why didn’t I walk straight into a police station after it happened?

Why didn’t I put that piece of shit trailer trash in jail,

Where he belongs?

As a child I was scared, embarrassed and saw no way out.

Now, as an adult,

It is so easy too see what I should have done or could have done.

But thinking this way is torture.

Because I can’t go back in time.

As much as I want to,

I CAN NOT change the past.

All I can do is heal from it.