About Me Afterthoughts
The typical “About” page is usually light and fluffy.
But mine is far from it.
I am scared shitless right now after posting it.
Along with being disturbed, frustrated, angry and sad.
I have never shared something so honest and real in my life.
Even though what I wrote is nothing new to me.
It’s something I have lived with for more than two decades.
There is something about writing it and talking about it that makes it real.
After posting my story, I took a long shower and cried.
Something I would never allow myself to do before.
Because I didn’t want to be weak.
But crying did help.
As scary as it was, posting my story took a lifelong weight off my shoulders.
It’s all written.
I wrote it. And now you can read it.
And see me for who I really am.
And that’s scary.
But, I can no longer live in denial of it.
While I was sitting in the shower, I kept thinking to myself-
Why didn’t I tell a friend or my neighbor?
Why didn’t I walk straight into a police station after it happened?
Why didn’t I put that piece of shit trailer trash in jail,
Where he belongs?
As a child I was scared, embarrassed and saw no way out.
Now, as an adult,
It is so easy too see what I should have done or could have done.
But thinking this way is torture.
Because I can’t go back in time.
As much as I want to,
I CAN NOT change the past.
All I can do is heal from it.